i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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