im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
