I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So many bounce houses so little time
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
