went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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