Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize