I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
