I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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