Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
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He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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