I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
