@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
