fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
