first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
