She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
