We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
