Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
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Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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