Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
