but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
