You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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