I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
