I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
