I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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