It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
