My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i now understand why vodka
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize