Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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