You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
