Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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