I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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