I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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