Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
