So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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