Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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