hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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