Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize