It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
