I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
