ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
