This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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