the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize