Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
