I just cut my nipple shaving
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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