it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize