ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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