I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
