did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
