i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
