got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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