How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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