12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
