I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
