I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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