got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
