New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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