I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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