If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
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I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize