the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
