Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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