Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We need to get me chipped asap
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
