so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
