Will you blow on my dice?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
