hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
