Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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