Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
