ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
