no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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