He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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