I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
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