Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
