Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
