I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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