matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The best revenge is premature balding
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
