i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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