Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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