I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
