just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
